Hitting Rock Bottom

1. Hitting Rock Bottom

Before I can describe to you how my life is now I need to give you an insight into how my life was. I need you to know how oblivious I had become to the world around me and desensitized to the crime, drugs and addiction that controlled my life and ultimately led me back to the same place I always ended up. Prison… Let me take you back to the night before I got remanded, I had been arguing and fighting with my partner for weeks on end, my drug use and reckless behaviour had ramped up tenfold to escape the reality of my relationship and responsibility as a partner and father. I hadn’t slept in a couple of nights I was taking a cocktail of drugs and was spending all my time hanging out in crack dens under the illusion that all my problems had gone away. I even thought I was having fun, ignoring the fact that I was using one drug to reduce the anxiety from the previous drug and another drug to give me a false sense of personality. Quite simply it had become a shit show. I had left my son at my mother's place while all this was taking part, but that’s not the worst of it. This was all taking place the night before Fathers day, I had promised him over and over again that I would be there to pick him up Fathers day morning. That never happened, I never made it there to get the card that he had put so much time and effort into making for me, I never made it there to unwrap the present that he had gone through so much thought to pick out for me, and most of all I never made it there to spend the time that a son wants to spend with their Dad. I’ll tell you where I was, I was laying in a hospital bed under a police guard after falling asleep at the wheel and crashing my car, not only that but I had a sum of money and drugs in the car with me and I knew I wasn’t going home. The raw emotion of shame, guilt and regret that filled inside me was the only emotion I had felt in months if not years and that is when I knew I was at my rock bottom. That unbearable guilt of letting my son down once again really weighed down on me and for the first time in a very long time I felt myself experiencing something very foreign to me, my eyes were filling up with tears and before I could fight them back and suppress these emotions I had tears running down my face. There I was sitting in my cell, there was no more tough guy there, all that was there was a man that wanted a different life, a better life, a chance to be a good father and a loving partner. I didn’t realise it in my addiction, and I don’t think I ever would have if I hadn’t hit rock bottom, but I was exhausted with the life I was living, I was so unhappy and felt as though I had wasted so many years of my life. This was the first time I had ever really considered that this life I am living isn’t the life I want for myself and my family and that there must be a better way.

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jason@addictionsolutionsvictoria.org.au

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ASV staff provide programs that are delivered by experienced, qualified industry professionals.

For more information call Jason on 03 8374 7648

Email jason@addictionsolutionsvictoria.org.au

jason@addictionsolutionsgeelong.org.au

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To access additional information and support, visit the Collective Recovery Support Network.

"The ASV Rehab at Home program provides evidence-based drug treatment and alcohol rehab options across Melbourne, Victoria. Developed to meet an identified need within the Victorian community, our support programs provide any person, including the families of addicts, with genuine opportunities at positive change (recovery)." - Jase Bowman - ASV CEO - Rehab Centres Melbourne - Melbourne.

ASV staff provide programs that are delivered by experienced, qualified industry professionals.

For more information call Jason on 03 8374 7648

Email jason@addictionsolutionsvictoria.org.au

jason@addictionsolutionsgeelong.org.au

addictionsolutionsvictoria.org.au - addictionsolutionsgeelong.org.au